Is it possible to be online without falling into the negatives?
Here's the key.
Is it possible to be online without falling into the negatives?
Navigating the online world without getting sucked into the negatives may feel almost impossible sometimes. But I wanted to share my experience because, while i’m not perfect, I’ve found a way that really works for me.
I’ve been off traditional social media for nearly a decade.(Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat) The only platforms I’m on are YouTube(since 2018) and now Substack(since October 2024.), and my experience with these compared to Instagram? Night and day. Let me explain.
The difference in design.
The apps themselves are designed differently. On platforms like Instagram, you’re typically following people you know, knew, or wish you could know. There’s this pull to stay connected, to see and be seen, to constantly check in, to conform. It’s a cycle that feeds validation, comparison, FOMO— to name a few..the list goes on..
But on YouTube and Substack, I’m not following people who met me once at a party in 2012. If I’m following anyone, it’s people who inspire me, broaden my perspective, or help me explore my interests deeper, but my main intention is clear: I’m here to give, not to get. I’m here to practice skills, writing and speaking. I’m not logging on to receive validation about me as a person or my day to day life, find connection with peers, escape boredom, or avoid FOMO. I’m here to help, inspire, serve, practice, and expand perspectives.
A shift in approach.
This intentional approach has completely shifted my experience online. Instead of sharing my personal life, consuming others’, and trying to keep up, I’m focused on offering something of value. I’m primarily a producer. I show up via laptop, maybe a few times a week—only if I have something worth sharing—and then I leave.
Now, some people might say, “But you’re still contributing to the problem.” And sure, I have gotten and will continue to get that critique forever. You can’t please everyone. But I feel SO good about the impact I’ve made, the personal growth I’ve experienced, and what I’ve learned by approaching these platforms with ultra specific intention.
Figuring out what works for you.
The truth is, some people will leave social media entirely and never look back. That was my plan initially. But God had other plans for me—plans to use my voice to help others. So here I am, online, but in a way that’s incredibly aligned and intentional.
And here’s the thing: It is possible to figure out how online works for you.(if at all!) Here’s what I believe and have experienced the key to be: Fulfill your basic wants and needs offline first. Yes, even in 2024, even when it feels like everyone else is glued to their phones. Get out there and build the kind of life that doesn’t depend on A SCREEN, surface level connection, fleeting validation, likes or comments to feel whole!
When it comes to being online, I believe clarity is everything. I’m clear about why I’m here and, just as importantly, what I’m not here for. Can you say the same? If not, it’s worth taking the time to reflect. Ask yourself: Why am I here? What am I looking for? What’s my purpose in showing up on these platforms? And does it align with the life I’m trying to build? The person I’m striving to be?
Trust yourself.
My final thought is to trust yourself. Be relentless in figuring out how social media and online spaces fit into your life—if they fit at all. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing or saying. You know what’s best for you. So go out there and get after what feels right, aligned, and true to who you are.
And if it feels overwhelming, take it one day at a time and remember this: It’s not about getting it perfect. It’s about staying curious, getting intentional, and reaching for your life before reaching for your phone.
All my love and encouragement toward finding what feels right for YOU.
xx
Carly
"Fulfill your basic wants and needs offline first."
This is a perfect reminder that I've not heard anyone talk about before in relation to our digital relationships.
I'm looking forward to joining your conversation more as it's a very valuable one and as I gear up towards my own social media exit in the coming weeks!
I completely agree—the shift from sharing our lives to sharing thoughtful, long-form articles that we’ve put effort into, aimed at spreading knowledge or perspectives, definitely fosters a much better state of mind.
However, I’m not sure if there’s actually less negativity. While this kind of content is better for our mental health overall, much of it still leans negative because we often focus on discussing what needs to change—and what needs to change is usually problematic or unpleasant.
I’ve also gotten rid of YouTube. While I agree it’s a platform which can be used solely for consumption, I found its addictive nature overwhelming. The homepage constantly suggests more videos, pulling you into a rabbit hole that easily leads to hours of passive viewing. Unlike reading, watching videos can be done while multitasking—cooking, cleaning, etc.—which only increases consumption. And again, most of the content I consumed wasn’t exactly uplifting.
So far, Substack has been my most balanced experience. I can dip into it during free moments, the content isn’t addictive, and there’s a light layer of interaction with others that I genuinely enjoy. I’m curious to see how it evolves, though. Like any platform, they seem to be adding features that push for more consumption and attention-grabbing elements like Notes. It might take them in the same direction as others, which would undermine the very differentiation that made it appealing in the first place.