Why we’re so afraid of boredom. (and why we shouldn’t be)

What happens when you stop filling every empty moment?

I’ve come to really love the “B” word. Over the years i’ve actually found myself anticipating moments to feel this way. But this wasn’t always the case. In fact, I used to dread the presence of this feeling. It was something to be avoided at all costs and escaped as quickly as possible upon it’s arrival!

But overtime…as i’ve shifted my mindset, my behavior and broadened my perspective on the presence of said “B” word- it’s turned out to be one of the greatest opportunities life could present to me.

This “B” word i’m talking about is of course the feeling of being…BORED.

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To dive further into this i’m sharing chapter 4 from my book, The Social Media Shift, all about boredom and and how to begin shifting it from a feeling of dread and avoidance to opportunity!

With that, here’s chapter 4.

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CHAPTER 4: The “B” word.

“Mom, Dad, I’m bored!” Says every kid at some point in their life.

But hey, just because we turned eighteen doesn’t mean we’re exempt from boredom!

In fact it never went away. Even though we no longer go to our parents to help entertain us-that’s so 90’s, after all- we now look to social media.

Growing up, my mom had the acronym BORED written out on a piece of paper posted up on our refrigerator, that way anytime we found ourselves feeling bored, before we went to her complaining we would visit the paper, work down the list then if we were still bored after all that- we could take it up with her.

This acronym read:

B- Been creative

O- Outside Play

R- Read a book

E- Exercise

D- Do something helpful

I thought my mom was just super creative growing up, but turns out this is actually a thing! I remember visiting this paper on the refrigerator often growing up and guess what? It worked. Working my way through the list I quickly found myself being productive, using my brain and caught up in something worthwhile which was very successful in “curing” my ever- so- dreaded boredom!

While this acronym is still applicable today, times have changed since the early 2000’s and boredom has gotten an even worse rep since then. Especially when it comes to leaving social media. What could we possibly do to fill in all that time we spend scrolling throughout our days?

We’re about to redeem boredom, and shed some positive light on it that it's oh so deserving of.

Sydney’s Story

I want you to meet Sydney, who so graciously offered to share her experience.

“I know I spend way too much time on social media…I get sucked into other people's posts and before I know it, hours have flown by.

Especially now that I'm at home most of the time with my baby, I've noticed that when I start feeling stressed or overwhelmed, I end up numbing out by just laying down and scrolling endlessly. It's like this weird cycle where I know I should be doing something more productive or meaningful, but I just can't seem to break free from the pull of social media.

I really want to change this habit and replace it with something better. I've realized that spending so much time on social media has left me feeling like I need to constantly hustle and prove myself, instead of finding my strength and contentment in God.

But at the same time, I'm kind of worried about what I'll do with all that extra time if I'm not scrolling through my feed. Will I be bored? Will I feel lost without that constant stream of distraction?”

The Lie:

Cue: “whoop there it is!”

Without social media, life will be dull and boring. How will you fill your time? It’ll be unbearable without constant updates and distractions. Social media is where opportunities are—it’s your gateway to staying connected, entertained, and informed. Trust me, you need me to fill the void and keep your life interesting.

The truth

Ahh boredom…the poor guy. He’s been made out to be our worst enemy, the thing to avoid at all costs. He’s the guy with bad breath that you don’t want anywhere close to you. But is he really..that bad? We’ve been conditioned to not give him the time of day- but if we did..we’d discover that he’s not actually as bad as he's made out to be. He provides us with the big O, as in opportunity. In fact, I might even argue that we should welcome boredom, it’s actually important to slow down, explore creativity, and access parts of ourselves and our brains that we haven’t for a while.

In fact, what if the very act of consumption itself is the culprit of why we’re so dang bored in the first place?

The reality of boredom and social media

According to a study that Kent State University conducted, social media causes boredom.(WHAT!) So the very thing that is disguised to be “curing" your boredom, is actually making it worse.

“In a study examining the impact of various activities on boredom levels among college students, researchers Barkley and Lepp recruited 40 participants to engage in four separate 30-minute conditions. These conditions included using social media, completing schoolwork, walking on a treadmill, and doing nothing in an empty room. Participants completed surveys assessing boredom levels before, during, and after each condition.

Results revealed that social media use led to increased feelings of boredom over the 30-minute period, with participants becoming disengaged and feeling as though time passed slowly. Conversely, engaging in schoolwork significantly decreased boredom, providing a sense of challenge and accomplishment. Treadmill walking caused a smaller increase in boredom compared to social media use, while the control condition of doing nothing also increased boredom.

The study challenges the common belief that social media alleviates boredom, highlighting its limited challenge, skill requirement, and reward. In contrast, completing schoolwork offers engagement and feelings of competence. Barkley emphasized the potential benefits of engaging in mildly challenging activities, suggesting outdoor walking as a healthy antidote to boredom. Overall, the that social media may not be an effective means of combating boredom and may even contribute to its increase, leading the researchers to characterize it as "#boring."

Isn’t that fascinating? It turns out we have things backwards. The problem is there’s not enough education about this. We’re not talking about this in schools, we’re not teaching the actual effects of social media. We’re letting it slide by and not treating it as the dangerous addiction that it truly is. I hope this is helping you see things for more of how they are not how social media wants us to see them. They don’t have our best interest in mind. They want us to stay “bored” to continue to use them as a bandaid. It turns out it's like you’re trying to break your habit of alcoholism by drinking water when you’re tempted but the water is laced with your favorite tequila but just enough that you won’t detect it.

But it’s just for entertainment..

"I'm only on social media for entertainment." While there's nothing wrong with unwinding and indulging in some mindless fun—after all, we all need a break sometimes—have you ever questioned how often you seek out that entertainment? Do you really need to be entertained while waiting in the drive-thru, on the toilet, or between commercials? Or have we become so addicted to constant stimulation that we've forgotten how to simply observe our surroundings, slow down, and be present—maybe even embrace a little boredom?

Entertainment is a wonderful part of life, but when we’re constantly bombarded with it, does it lose its excitement? If we’re always seeking distraction, how meaningful is the time we intentionally set aside to truly enjoy and engage with something entertaining? Perhaps by cutting back on those quick hits of entertainment, we can rediscover the joy of being fully immersed in the moments that really matter.

The Shift- From Opposition, to Opportunity

Outside of social media- you have opportunity, stillness. It doesn’t have to be a life filled with boredom and unwanted feelings…Once you can shift your view and experience with boredom from initially feeling opposition, to recognizing it as an opportunity to learn something valuable, or to work on improving yourself, or complete your to-do list- you'll notice yourself not only looking forward to moments you have the pleasure to feel bored, but even experiencing more feelings of joy because you'll be more productive and the reward from being productive is fulfillment, and people who are productive and fulfilled are happier!!(sorry, got a little excited there..)

Could social media actually be part of the reason you’re bored?

When was the last time you took a moment to sit in stillness? Yeah, it might feel uncomfortable if you’re not used to it. For sure. But there’s power in stillness. There’s presence, there’s breakthroughs, there’s time to check in and tune in with yourself.

A little over two years after i left instagram, I found myself feeling lost with the direction in which I should go with my work and career. I was dissatisfied with my software sales job and had a desire to contribute to the world in a more meaningful way by starting my own business but nothing I had dabbled in up to that point felt right.

Had I not embraced boredom a couple years prior and learned to sit in stillness, i’m not sure I would have had the foresight to see how I could help people.

Opportunity, creativity, connection, can be born in moments of boredom. Born in stillness. Numbing out all the time by scrolling doesn't allow for us to even have a moment to pause, and to be still.

What do you think happened before we had computers in our pocket? We sat around, we got creative, we used parts of our brain that probably haven't been activated in awhile.

I think about my toddler who would love to watch more TV than I allow her each day. I always tell her that she’s too brilliant, too creative, too blessed to sit in front of the TV all day. I say “there’s too much fun to be explored and had outside of the TV!” And now most of the time she doesn’t fight it. She’ll gladly turn it off and as young minds to, she’ll redirect to another activity, she’ll go find her markers and start coloring, she’ll help me put away laundry, she’ll start making believe with her toys and using her brain.

I want her to be comfortable with silence, stillness and to use the big and beautiful brain God has blessed her with, not to numb out by watching cartoons all day.

I also want this for all of us! We’re always so quick to do the studies on the children and to watch their screen time, and help them foster healthy habits and mindsets from a young age… but what about us?

Just because you turned eighteen doesn’t mean you're exempt from needing boundaries, or needing to keep your creative mind active and use the brain and the gifts God has blessed you with. Let’s shed some light on that!

Next time you think of boredom and you start to feel dread creeping in, shift that to the feeling of anticipation of what's to come, as an invitation to get creative, to use your brain to reacquaint yourself with silence and sitting still.

One of my greatest breakthroughs came in a moment of stillness. I wouldn’t be here writing this book if it weren’t for a cold Sunday morning in January 2018, when I found myself staring blankly out the sliding glass door of our apartment. Everything became clear to me in that quiet moment. I felt an impression to do something I hadn’t done in years—log into Facebook. At first I thought to myself, well- that’s not right, i’m not on socials because i don’t want to turn to it in these quiet moments. But the impression was strong enough and ironic enough that I listened. After recovering my forgotten password, I stumbled upon a post in a group dedicated to helping people. The first thing I saw was someone saying, "Social media is ruining my life. Can anybody help me?"

The comments on this post? “Same..following..” but nobody had an answer or help to offer.

It was in that moment reading this post, it all made sense. This is why I’m here!

Had I not followed the call a few years earlier to go offline, and had I not been sitting there in silence, open to receiving what God needed me to hear and do, I might have been on that same couch, not recognizing myself as a guide, but as someone typing, "Me too."

Imagine what might come to you if you gave enough space to receive it? Imagine what you could accomplish if you saw boredom as an opportunity? Imagine how alive you could feel just by revisiting a normal and important part of childhood and life- boredom. I welcome it with open arms and am grateful for the opportunity to blurt the B word whenever I get the chance!

I’m bored! What an incredible opportunity. That is the shift.

Implementing The Shift

If you find yourself sitting there thinking…Sure, Carly! That’s great..no really. Don’t just take my word for it. I’m not the only one out here who has learned to reframe boredom as an opportunity. Once you can learn to do this not only will your life change but you’ll become more productive, and you’ll start to look forward to the once dreaded feeling of boredom. He can become a friend, one you long to be around one who you treasure and hold near whenever you get the chance.

I can sit here and relay to you all the ways boredom is an opportunity. Being bored is a gift.

Shii, for example, left social media last January. She deleted all socials from her phone and took up pottery. As a horticulturist she thought pottery would be the perfect complement to plants. Little did she know it would end up being the perfect companion to her life. Not only did this new hobby help her let go of her socials..but it helped her slow down..regain her focus and enjoy getting a little messy with her hands! (it’s hard to check your phone when you’re wrist deep in clay)

“The joy of making unique things with my hands, and the blissful feeling of receiving a beautiful finished piece from the kiln trumps any feeling I’ve ever felt online,” she explains. “I think the overall message here is that whenever we want to change something in our lives, we have the best chance at doing that when we have chosen something better to replace it.”

A to the men, amen. Can we close this out right here? Do I have a mic here to drop?

“Been on and off social media for months, but it’s been more than a week that I decided to deactivate my Facebook and messenger,” says CJ “And I’m loving it! Been reading on my Kindle everyday. Started sketching yesterday and I’ve been working out three times week for a month now ☺️ and also started journaling for two days!”

Allow me to pick the mic back up because this is just too good.

Ahem. This is what happens when you choose to see the new time that you have without social media, when you view that as an opportunity- you’re opening the doors to opportunity. As long as you choose to act in your new time, or begin rekindling a relationship with an old friend– stillness.

If you sit around and complain, wallow and focus on the discomfort, you’ll find boredom to be the misery that it’s portrayed to be.

It’s just not true! We’ve been trained to want and need stimulation. Need to consume.

As you implement this shift from dreading boredom to welcoming it as an opportunity, it can be helpful to plan ahead. Have a notes section in your phone as you ease into the silence of what you want to learn. Maybe even write down what you want to do. That way instead of being tempted to scroll to fill that boredom gap- you can first, redirect as you work toward not needing anything at all and being able to do and go wherever your creative mind takes you, but you must give it enough space to be heard in the first place.

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter from my book The Social Media Shift, and I hope this shift in perspective helps you see the opportunity that lies in front of you next time you’re wanting to escape feeling “bored”.

xx

Carly