Yes! Social media detox is a temporary solution to a permanent problem that we, the users of social media, cannot fix. I just walked away too, and am not going back. The biggest challenge for me, and it's probably true for lots of people, is that even IRL creative communities (I'm an artist) connect and operate primarily on socials and want artists to have a social media presence to help promote their organizations. And a lot of people exclusively connect online and don't have an IRL community to fill the void. So when they detox, they get lonely and bored, because they're not taking the time or don't know how to find people IRL. We need to relearn those skills. Those of us who are off socials have an opportunity to illuminate that path by sharing our experiences. Thank you for talking about it!
Hey Jen! Thanks for sharing, you bring up a major struggle, its a fact that a lot of communities exist online, I have one on Mighty Networks instead of social, but its a struggle for people who want to be part of communities that are only on social media or in person maybe nowhere near you. OR like you said, we need to relearn the IRL people skills! AMEN! Thanks for sharing your thoughts it's always so fun to connect with others who are offline. Hope you're having a great day! xx
Agree. I just commented—it’s about connection to self and to reality and not the dissociative “freeze” response that makes social media such an addictive psychosocial toxin. 👏 But exactly what you said.
"but I think when people in larger amounts start seeing the screen as a barrier to the life they could have rather than a simulation of a life they can't have we'll see some improvements to society." YES! I remember life before computers, too, and I miss it. It's encouraging to see things like the Luddite Society getting attention.
It's the same as the "detoxes" we tell people that are available from work. To escape work for a bit because you are burnt out and disengaged, only to return to the same system with all of the context and conditions that led to the burn out and disengagement still fully in place.
It's convenient that the "detox" messaging is rooted in blaming the individual vs. looking at the underlying paradigm and model for the system.
If we look across many of the human-made systems, we will see the same basic patterns.
If we are to move on from the poor patterns, it will take a disciplined and principled approach to understanding change and transformation at the paradigm and model levers of a system.
And without this platform we wouldn’t be reading this and nobody would be getting paid the way they like.
I like that the conversation brings to light the toxicity of social media, but it feels kind of ….stupid(?) to say this on platforms you’re getting paid from or gaining your audience from. Who would be your audience?
This is a beautifully written article - Carly makes so many excellent points. And, she notes that she spent 7 years sharing her message about the pitfalls of social media. She conversed with 100's if not 1,000's of people about this topic - some, if not all of this happened online I assume. If so, similar dynamics were at work as in the social media sphere. Indeed -aren't online "chat rooms," forums, blogs that include comment sections, also "social media" with the same addictive hooks and perils to navigate as the big dogs such as FB, Insta, X?
Great read Carly. The stat that strikes me the most is the 77% of people who'd consider doing an indefinite social media detox if the needs/wants could be fulfilled in different ways. Looking forward to reading more from you!
I got hacked on my Meta accounts and never returned to Fb after that. I do have a tiny presence on Insta just to keep contact with friends. For the rest I focus on Substack. Writing out in thin air and follow somw writers and commentators in notes. It is relaxing 😃
This is intriguing - and I’d love a world without SM- but it’s truly hard to envision now. Not because I need to be connected to friends/family online, but because social media platforms are pretty essential to my business and to marketing any creative work I do.
It could be helpful to look at social media as an addictive product (which it is) in order to frame solutions better. Wondering if a suggestion just to quit is comprehensive enough. We have to add things back that are more appealing than the quick hit of dopamine. Candy vs veggies. Often people need an in between to make their way back as well as support, systems, resources, etc that are pushing folks to a more substantive option.
Can't believe no one spoke to this but it's the most important part. And it's hard to find things to fill in all the little gaps where we don't really have enough time to do anything but instead of letting ourselves be bored we try to fill it in
i'm the only one of my friends who's completely off social media. some have one or two accounts but can manage their time on it. i never had that self control and i was so sick of preforming for other people. i lost so many friends when i quit cold turkey all social media because they couldn't switch to texting/calling/actually meeting up in person. i tell people they should delete it all the time. i know you get your [x, y, z] there but what if we talked about it in person? how much would the discourse change if we took community events, news, and checking in and put all of that into our mouths instead of filtering it through our thumbs?
even on dating apps, i get the inevitable "hey here's my snap/ig" text and i gotta tell them i'm social media free, even though it's in my bio. i finally just changed it to "NO SOCIAL MEDIA" bc i was getting so sick of people expecting that transaction. i look into flip/dumb phones because i'm so tired of feening for something that makes me sick in the head after a few months of redownloading it. free yourself and you'll find that even when you miss it, it tastes stale and bitter.
Ngl I recently planned to deactivate Facebook on trial for a year, to see if it would affect any part of my writing promotion... but in the end, when I saw how hard they make it to even figure out how to deactivate/delete these days, I panicked and thought that if I don't go now, it might not be possible in the future (don't trust Zuckerberg an inch). Bye Facebook, I don't miss you and I regret nothing!
There's nothing more discouraging than allowing something so pointless to take over your life. Social media addiction is a widespread issue that isn't taken seriously enough. I watch my family, friends, and even myself be consumed by the tiny little screen; disconnected from everything else in the world around us. I want to break the meaningless cycle in my own life. Thanks for posting.
I did a two week "fast" from social media back in the winter of 2018 to 2019. At the end of the two weeks, I reinstalled Instagram and was immediately disgusted by the very first thing I saw. I uninstalled it again and haven't looked back. I still technically have accounts on Facebook, Instagram, and Reddit, but I never log into them. I have an account on X that I logged into during the election to follow results, but I don't use regularly, and isn't allowed an installed app on my phone. This has done absolute wonders for my mental health. I do not miss it.
I’ve never detoxed; I scorched-earthed every time.
I deleted my accounts over a decade ago. Friends would convince me to join again twice before I said “never again”. I’ve gone years now without any social media until a couple months ago when I joined Substack. Although it’s partly social media, it feels much more like the blog boom of the early 2000s.
There are old friends who I’m not in contact with anymore because I’m not on Facebook. It’s sad how complacent people have become by using only FB as their means of communication and maintaining friendships.
Oh wow! I wrote about this for mothers...I had often wondered if writing ONLY about this would be too niche, but you're doing it! And you're so right, the only way out is fully out. I only have Facebook left, and it's only for laptop use like 90% of the time, but it manages to sneak back on my phone on occasion because the option is still there. So I'm not 100%, but I'm in!
I agree! But I will say a detox is where I started and that sounded more realistic than quitting forever at that time. Comparing how I felt with and without social media allowed me to make the decision that made the most sense for me!
I have been off social media for almost two years now and Ive missed out on...nothing! Everyone I care about knows I'm not on the apps and so they contact me via Whatsapp. My only struggle is that I am an artist and many people make it seem like I need to be on Instagram to promote my work...but I refuse to believe that. I am hopeful that there are other ways to make it as an artist without dealing with the life-sucking attributes of social media.
Yes! Social media detox is a temporary solution to a permanent problem that we, the users of social media, cannot fix. I just walked away too, and am not going back. The biggest challenge for me, and it's probably true for lots of people, is that even IRL creative communities (I'm an artist) connect and operate primarily on socials and want artists to have a social media presence to help promote their organizations. And a lot of people exclusively connect online and don't have an IRL community to fill the void. So when they detox, they get lonely and bored, because they're not taking the time or don't know how to find people IRL. We need to relearn those skills. Those of us who are off socials have an opportunity to illuminate that path by sharing our experiences. Thank you for talking about it!
Hey Jen! Thanks for sharing, you bring up a major struggle, its a fact that a lot of communities exist online, I have one on Mighty Networks instead of social, but its a struggle for people who want to be part of communities that are only on social media or in person maybe nowhere near you. OR like you said, we need to relearn the IRL people skills! AMEN! Thanks for sharing your thoughts it's always so fun to connect with others who are offline. Hope you're having a great day! xx
Agree. I just commented—it’s about connection to self and to reality and not the dissociative “freeze” response that makes social media such an addictive psychosocial toxin. 👏 But exactly what you said.
"but I think when people in larger amounts start seeing the screen as a barrier to the life they could have rather than a simulation of a life they can't have we'll see some improvements to society." YES! I remember life before computers, too, and I miss it. It's encouraging to see things like the Luddite Society getting attention.
It's the same as the "detoxes" we tell people that are available from work. To escape work for a bit because you are burnt out and disengaged, only to return to the same system with all of the context and conditions that led to the burn out and disengagement still fully in place.
It's convenient that the "detox" messaging is rooted in blaming the individual vs. looking at the underlying paradigm and model for the system.
If we look across many of the human-made systems, we will see the same basic patterns.
If we are to move on from the poor patterns, it will take a disciplined and principled approach to understanding change and transformation at the paradigm and model levers of a system.
Love this perspective Joe! And I think you're absolutely right.
You guys do realize that Substack is social media, right?
And without this platform we wouldn’t be reading this and nobody would be getting paid the way they like.
I like that the conversation brings to light the toxicity of social media, but it feels kind of ….stupid(?) to say this on platforms you’re getting paid from or gaining your audience from. Who would be your audience?
This is a beautifully written article - Carly makes so many excellent points. And, she notes that she spent 7 years sharing her message about the pitfalls of social media. She conversed with 100's if not 1,000's of people about this topic - some, if not all of this happened online I assume. If so, similar dynamics were at work as in the social media sphere. Indeed -aren't online "chat rooms," forums, blogs that include comment sections, also "social media" with the same addictive hooks and perils to navigate as the big dogs such as FB, Insta, X?
I ended up here because of taking a long break from Facebook... It does have the same pull!
Great read Carly. The stat that strikes me the most is the 77% of people who'd consider doing an indefinite social media detox if the needs/wants could be fulfilled in different ways. Looking forward to reading more from you!
Glad you enjoyed it Matilda! Isn't that stat so eye opening? Thanks for the kind words!
I'm in the 77%. I'd leave tomorrow if not for all my kids homeschool groups being on Facebook
I got hacked on my Meta accounts and never returned to Fb after that. I do have a tiny presence on Insta just to keep contact with friends. For the rest I focus on Substack. Writing out in thin air and follow somw writers and commentators in notes. It is relaxing 😃
This is intriguing - and I’d love a world without SM- but it’s truly hard to envision now. Not because I need to be connected to friends/family online, but because social media platforms are pretty essential to my business and to marketing any creative work I do.
It could be helpful to look at social media as an addictive product (which it is) in order to frame solutions better. Wondering if a suggestion just to quit is comprehensive enough. We have to add things back that are more appealing than the quick hit of dopamine. Candy vs veggies. Often people need an in between to make their way back as well as support, systems, resources, etc that are pushing folks to a more substantive option.
Can't believe no one spoke to this but it's the most important part. And it's hard to find things to fill in all the little gaps where we don't really have enough time to do anything but instead of letting ourselves be bored we try to fill it in
i'm the only one of my friends who's completely off social media. some have one or two accounts but can manage their time on it. i never had that self control and i was so sick of preforming for other people. i lost so many friends when i quit cold turkey all social media because they couldn't switch to texting/calling/actually meeting up in person. i tell people they should delete it all the time. i know you get your [x, y, z] there but what if we talked about it in person? how much would the discourse change if we took community events, news, and checking in and put all of that into our mouths instead of filtering it through our thumbs?
even on dating apps, i get the inevitable "hey here's my snap/ig" text and i gotta tell them i'm social media free, even though it's in my bio. i finally just changed it to "NO SOCIAL MEDIA" bc i was getting so sick of people expecting that transaction. i look into flip/dumb phones because i'm so tired of feening for something that makes me sick in the head after a few months of redownloading it. free yourself and you'll find that even when you miss it, it tastes stale and bitter.
Ngl I recently planned to deactivate Facebook on trial for a year, to see if it would affect any part of my writing promotion... but in the end, when I saw how hard they make it to even figure out how to deactivate/delete these days, I panicked and thought that if I don't go now, it might not be possible in the future (don't trust Zuckerberg an inch). Bye Facebook, I don't miss you and I regret nothing!
There's nothing more discouraging than allowing something so pointless to take over your life. Social media addiction is a widespread issue that isn't taken seriously enough. I watch my family, friends, and even myself be consumed by the tiny little screen; disconnected from everything else in the world around us. I want to break the meaningless cycle in my own life. Thanks for posting.
I did a two week "fast" from social media back in the winter of 2018 to 2019. At the end of the two weeks, I reinstalled Instagram and was immediately disgusted by the very first thing I saw. I uninstalled it again and haven't looked back. I still technically have accounts on Facebook, Instagram, and Reddit, but I never log into them. I have an account on X that I logged into during the election to follow results, but I don't use regularly, and isn't allowed an installed app on my phone. This has done absolute wonders for my mental health. I do not miss it.
I’ve never detoxed; I scorched-earthed every time.
I deleted my accounts over a decade ago. Friends would convince me to join again twice before I said “never again”. I’ve gone years now without any social media until a couple months ago when I joined Substack. Although it’s partly social media, it feels much more like the blog boom of the early 2000s.
There are old friends who I’m not in contact with anymore because I’m not on Facebook. It’s sad how complacent people have become by using only FB as their means of communication and maintaining friendships.
Oh wow! I wrote about this for mothers...I had often wondered if writing ONLY about this would be too niche, but you're doing it! And you're so right, the only way out is fully out. I only have Facebook left, and it's only for laptop use like 90% of the time, but it manages to sneak back on my phone on occasion because the option is still there. So I'm not 100%, but I'm in!
I agree! But I will say a detox is where I started and that sounded more realistic than quitting forever at that time. Comparing how I felt with and without social media allowed me to make the decision that made the most sense for me!
I have been off social media for almost two years now and Ive missed out on...nothing! Everyone I care about knows I'm not on the apps and so they contact me via Whatsapp. My only struggle is that I am an artist and many people make it seem like I need to be on Instagram to promote my work...but I refuse to believe that. I am hopeful that there are other ways to make it as an artist without dealing with the life-sucking attributes of social media.
Funny this article showed up just as I was thinking about needing a social media detox. Great article!